oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
