so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
