Why does Corona taste like a burp?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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