But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
