who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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