FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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