fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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