so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
