yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
