i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
