I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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