yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
