Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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