Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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