As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
