Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
