So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
