I'm eating all of the evidence.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize