Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
