i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
