I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
