Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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