I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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