Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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