I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Randomize
