DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
