It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
