Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
