margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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