Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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