best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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