The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
