if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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