i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
