his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
