Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
