My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
