You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
