she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
