just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
