Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
