tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
