So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
