nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
