i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
