Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
