It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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