I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
