I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think a kid would responsible me up
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
