Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
