listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
