can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
