yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
