I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
