Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
