dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
